How do writer’s write on subjects that are so personal? How do they make their pieces flow and have real meaning when they want to just say EVERYTHING?
I’m asking you guys, because I have no idea.
So, if my post is a little wordy or if the ideas run all over the page, forgive me. I’m a little excited, overwhelmed and feeling too loved all at once.
Back when summer first started, I created a list of goals for September. They were fairly easy:
- Read two books
- Update your resume
- Blog weekly
- Find a job
Though I haven’t stuck with the weekly blogging, I did manage to ‘To Do’ my top goal for September – I got a full-time, salaried with benefits, J.O.B.
Let me start off with the background:
I graduated college in December 2013. I have a Bachelor’s degree in PR and a minor in Poli Sci and Business Admin.
Since graduation, I’ve worked 4 places.
- I continued my Marketing internship after graduation until finding…… (continuation from Dec – April)
- Full-time employment in countertop sales. (April – February)
- I then moved to OKC and found a seasonal internship in PR & Marketing (April – September)….
It took me three months to find my first full-time job once I graduated. And it wasn’t in my field of choice. I was in sales. Though this job helped teach me MANY things, and I am forever grateful that I was able to work full-time, it wasn’t where I wanted to be. However, I couldn’t find a job in my city. The city was BOOMING and it seemed like every other girl my age had also graduated with my same degree and were lightyears ahead of me. I was hopeless, I was tired and I was defeated… but I kept on. I occupied my time with other things, I got really into fitness and a healthy lifestyle. I dropped so much fat and created a lot of muscle. I fell into this because it was a distraction (a good distraction, btw). I had a great Manager at my sales job. He taught me a lot. He was patient, kind and always answered ALL of my ZILLION questions. I also worked with some pretty cool people. We got along well, and I enjoyed being around them. But it just wasn’t what I wanted to do. I wanted to be in communications. I wanted to be in PR, Marketing, Social Media, etc. I wanted to write. I wanted to blog. I was passionate about it – so, I kept on.
Then, I moved to OKC. Did I want to move here? Not really, but the job market is wayyyy better and the man I love is here. So, I literally wasn’t losing anything. When I got to OKC, I kept on. I searched and searched for a job in my field. I made it my full-time job to search for a full-time job. In the meantime, I worked as a host at a restaurant. Imagine going from salary with benefits to $10/ hourly plus tips. I struggled. I cried. I lost my faith that I’d ever be able to achieve something greater. But, I kept on.
(thankfully, I had saved up enough money for me to survive when I was working in sales. Every paycheck, I paid my bills for the month, saved 20% and lived on 80%. I substituted Starbucks for my own Folger’s coffee. Drank water at a restaurant instead of getting a beer. I ate out only on the weekends – or tried to – and at that, I only allotted $30-$40 for Friday and Saturday fun. Believe me, in the city I was living $30 was nothing for a weekend lol)
After many “you do not fit our requirements for this position” rejection emails, I finally landed an interview at the Oklahoma State Fair. And dangggg, was I nervous! Not because I couldn’t do it, but because I had been told “no” so many times.
Every time I was told that heavy, felt like life-altering word, I would call three people: Joe, Dad and Mom. And like always, they would encourage me…telling me that I will get something. Just stay the course. Just keep on. And I would say, “but I’m good enough! I know I can do this. I am a hard worker, I am smart, I have experience. If they would just give me 90 days to prove to them that I’m worth the investment, they wouldn’t be sorry!”
I got to my interview fairly early. I had everything imaginable: multiple copies of my resume, marketing material that I had come up with (koozies, notepads, trinkets, etc.) writing content, business cards. I wanted to impress.
The interview went well. I left nervous and confident. I went home that night and just said a prayer like I always did before and after interviews.
They usually went something like this:
Before – “God, please give me wisdom and calm me during this process. Guide my words and my thoughts. Allow me to have the correct answers and allow me to speak eloquently. Bless me during my interview and stay with me.”
After – “God, thank you for giving me the opportunity. Thank you for calming my nerves and helping me through it. Thank you, just thank you.”
I got a call the next day. I got the internship!! I was ecstatic. I started right away.
My job was from April thru September. I learned a lot and worked with some really, really cool people. I have enjoyed my time here so very much. And made my very first OK friends. It was a perfect way to be introduced to the state of Oklahoma.
But I knew this was temporary. I knew that when September came, I would be in the same position that I was in, in February – without a job. So I began praying. I was very specific. I asked God for a job that had a good atmosphere, allowed me freedom, let me have vacation days, challenged me, a job that had good managers and a job that paid well.
THAT DAY, the day that I said that prayer – I found two jobs online that I wanted to apply for. So, I did.
I updated my resume, and sent it out. I prayed over these two jobs. I prayed over the opportunities here in OKC and that God’s will be done.
I got a call. One of the companies wanted to interview me. Of course, I was over-joyed. I prepared. Ran through could-be questions and answered to the best of my ability. The interview went well. I was nervous the whole time, but I had peace. It’s hard to explain.
A week later, I got an email that they wanted a second interview. A SECOND INTERVIEW. This. Was. Insane. This interview was a little more personal. It was to see my character and who I was as a person. But I had peace. Me and my interviewer got a long great. I really enjoyed our lunch together. Though she was interviewing me, it was nice to be able to talk to another woman over lunch. I was nervous, but I had a certain peace. That was lunch on Wednesday.
Thursday came and went.
Friday came and went.
Sunday came and went.
I was getting nervous.
Monday came and went.
Tuesday came and went.
I didn’t realize but I was in a terribly bad mood. The second business day had come and gone and I hadn’t heard anything.
Wednesday came and went.
Dad: “How do you feel, baby?”
Me: “You know, I really don’t know. All the other jobs I’ve applied to, I have been on edge. I couldn’t sleep, and I was frantically waiting for their response. But this is different. Am I nervous? Oh yes. Do I think it could go either way? Oh yes. But, I know I’m qualified. I know I can do this. This job is different, and I can’t explain it but I’m okay…I’m just….coasting…waiting to find out something.”
Thursday came and wen……
I was headed to my second job Thursday afternoon (yes, I still work at a restaurant while working full-time at the State Fair – if you want something, it requires hard work.) I was driving in my car headed down 10th Ave., and I just started praying. I was upset, and I was feeling abandoned. So I simply just asked God these two questions:
“Do you love me?”
“Do you even care?”
and I was done praying. I left it at that. Because you see, I don’t get all Biblical using thee and though. I talk to God like He’s right there. And sometimes, I’m really freaking harsh. I call Him out. I tell Him when I’m not happy with how things are going. Sometimes I let Him know that I’m just really pissed off at how He seems to be handling things. Because you know what, He already knows. So if I’m thinking it in my head, I’m going to say it out loud.
So I asked Him.
“DO YOU LOVE ME?”
“DO YOU EVEN CARE?”
I’VE DONE ALL I KNOW TO DO. I’VE TRIED AS HARD AS I CAN. I’VE TRIED AS HARD I KNOW HOW TO. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??
……..“Do you love me?”
……..“Do you even care?”
I stopped praying, and reached into my purse to get my phone. Of course, I forgot it was on silent and needed to switch it to ring. A number was calling me… a 405 area code. OKC area code.
I answered.
“This is Amanda”
“Amanda? Hi, this is ____ ______ from ________.”
“Oh, Hi! How are you today?”
“I’m well. Thank you. Look, I am calling to formally offer you the position at _______. We feel like you would be a great fit for our company, and we would really like to have you on board.”
It was almost as if God had been waiting for me to fully place my faith in Him the whole time. He was just sitting back saying, “you dumb idiot (because yes, I do believe that the Almighty probably has called me an idiot more than once. And I can’t blame Him.) why haven’t you come to me sooner? Why didn’t you ask if I cared and loved you sooner? You know I do. But you’re so doubtful in my love towards you that sometimes I have to move in ways that would only show you how much I really care.”
I cried when I got the news.
- I’ve worked really hard for this opportunity. I graduated almost two years ago and I’m finally getting a full-time, salaried with benefits job in my field.
- God overwhelmed me that day. He completely wrapped his arms around me. He showed me that if I keep on, He’ll always provide a way.
So, on September 8, I’ll be starting my full-time position. To God be ALL the glory.
P.S. I realized on the way home that night that the calm and unexplainable feeling had everything to do with Philippians 4:7,
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
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