Who Can?

I’m looking. I’m searching. I can’t seem to find it though.
I’m getting tired. I’m getting restless. I’m weary.

I’ve been looking everywhere-high and low, to the east, west, north and south.
I’ve searched for it in my work. Haven’t found it.
I’ve searched for it in my new clothes and latest, stylish shoes. Nope, nowhere.
I’ve searched for it in men, especially my man now. I look up to him for acceptance, for reassurance, for love, for guidance. I try to find all those things from a human-a human that can only do so much. I get mad when he disappoints me. I’m upset when he doesn’t fully understand.

I look for Godly things in an earthly man.

Then sometimes it just hits me, again. Ouch.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Joe. But I find myself putting a crazy amount of pressure on him and others that I care about-I put pressure on them to “complete” me and make me feel good enough. But in all reality, Joe can never fulfill me and make feel whole like the One who created me. The One who created me knows every intricate part of my soul and the deepest desires of my heart. So it’s absolutely silly to put that pressure on the earthly man I love.

Psalm 139: 1-18, 23-24  says it so perfectly:

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
² You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
³ You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
⁴ You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord.
⁵ You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
¹²     but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.

¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me,^[b] O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me!

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

If you kinda skimmed over that, read it again. Read every line until it sinks into your brain.
“Oh Lord, You have examined my heart and know everything about me!”
As a woman, isn’t that refreshing? I don’t have to try to over-explain why I’m freaking out when I can’t seem to fix my hair in the morning. I don’t have to explain why I’m crying at this rerun of Gilmore Girls.

God gets me. He made me in His image. He made me sensitive and loving. He desires to know me. He desires to build a relationship with me.

God is just so good. His love endures forever and ever. I’m reminded of his unwavering love daily.

Check out one of my favorite songs below:

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us, how He loves us all

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions
Eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves, yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us, oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking

And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

Oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us, how He loves all
How He loves

Yeah, He loves us, oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us, oh how He loves
Oh, I love

Yeah, He loves us, yeah, He loves us
How He loves us, oh, how He loves us all